attitude of gratitude.

i have nothing to complain about.
i still complain, of course. but i have no reason to.

God is good.

every night as i lay in bed i have an attitude of gratitude. God has given me so much.

but why throughout the day do i not always remember this? just 2 days ago i had a total freak out.
our kitchen is too small, theres not enough storage. we don't have enough money to fix either of these problems. i was a mess.
evan came home and saved the day (he's really good at saving me)

but that night my attitude changed and not only was i thankful for the kitchen we have but i was also thankful for my amazing husband.

what happens during the day that makes it harder to have an attitude of gratitude. is it that i have so much to do?
not enough time to just
be still.

not enough time to remember that He will provide
not enough time to give my worries over to Him

what happens during the day that makes me so stressed i can't remember how faithful He is. and how much He's blessed me.

but then, when i'm in bed, in the dark, not running around my whole outlook changes.
i'm not stressed about my kitchen, i'm thankful for it
i'm not stressed that we don't always have extra money. i'm grateful i get to stay home with my daughter everyday.
i'm not worried about my messy house, i'm blessed we have a home, that we love.


why can't i take time during the day so sit, be still, and be grateful for all of these things.
i can.
i will.
i am.

God is so good. all of the time.
i just get busy and don't always realize it.
and thats changing… starting now.

starting now i will have an attitude of gratitude, all of the time, even when i'm a mess!

for eleanor

i have a journal i keep for eleanor.
i write to her. so one day she can read everything we're going through with her now. new sounds she's making and things she's learning, what makes her laugh, nick names we call her. everything. i love doing this for her and hope one day she'll love it too. today i am writing her journal entry here.


my sweetest baby eleanor,
        you. are. amazing.
        everyday i fall more in love with you. love isn't even a big enough or strong enough word for
        how i feel about you. some days i don't even put you down. i can't. i cherish every smile and
        cuddle. every touch of your hand on my face, every nap on my chest. i am surprisingly aware
        of how fast this is all going, how fast you're growing.
        4 months have gone by. you're bigger today, and stronger, and smarter, and sweeter, and
        more beautiful than the day before. you smile at me and my heart melts. you stop crying when
        i, and only i, hold and love you and my heart melts. you laugh or sleep or suck
        your thumb and my heart melts. i wish i could bottle up your smell. or the softness of your skin.
        i never want to forget these precious moments.
        you. are. amazing.
        you are ours.
        we made you, your dad and i. you are part of us. we will love you no matter what. there is
        nothing you can ever do that will make us stop loving you. no mistake you can ever make will
        be big enough to change this.
        we are so beyond in love with you.
        i thank God for you. everyday. thank Him for giving you to us. for trusting us with you. i pray
        we will raise you the way He wants, in a way that will bring Him glory. and i pray for your
        salvation. that one day you will love Jesus with your whole heart. i pray to be a better mother
        and a better wife. i pray you will see God in your father and i. in the way we love each other,
        and serve each other. you are our world. we adore you.
        you. are. amazing.
        you are the music to my dance and my song.
        and i love you more than you will ever know, until you have a child of your own.

        love,
            your momma